That's what I hear when people tell me I look tired. I hear "you look like crap". Because I know I do. I just don't need other people to tell me that. One lady at work tells me every day when I walk in the door. This morning, I actually told her to stop saying it because I'm always tired and don't need to hear it from her every day.
I wish I wasn't so tired all the time, but I have a 17 month old baby who, when awake, is moving. I get up every day at 5:30, get myself ready for work then get Vaughn up and ready to go to dayhome. I drive 25 minutes to the office, fighting in rush hour traffic. I work a full day, take 35-40 minutes to get home, pick Vaughn up from dayhome, make dinner, play with Vaughn, bath Vaughn, get him ready for bed and then at 7:30 try to relax for a few hours before I go to bed at 9:30 for what will probably be a crappy night's sleep. Vaughn may or may not get up in the middle of the night for what I call a "soother rejam". Regardless of whether he's up for 30 seconds or 30 minutes I still hear him, I still wake up and I still can't get back to sleep.
Now, some, if not most of you, will say "Where's Tim in all of this? Why doesn't he help?" Good question. I have no idea. I'm sick of asking for help and not getting it. Why should I even have to ask? Why shouldn't it just be offered?
Last weekend, I was supposed to get to sleep in both days and ended up getting up both days with Vaughn at 6AM. At what point do I just let my baby cry until Tim decides to be a father and get up to deal with him? I can't just let him cry, I'm his mother and it's not right to make him suffer for me to prove a point.
I'm tired. I look like crap 90% of the time. And from what I hear, it's common among women - we do most of the work with the kids. I wouldn't mind so much if I felt like I was appreciated or did a get a chance to sleep in. That is why I like going on business trips, it forces Tim to take responsibility and do it. I know he can do it, why he doesn't on a regular basis blows my mind. If anything, you would think he would do it for me, knowing how tired I am.
I just wish we as mothers got more recognition for the work we do. I work full time and am a mother. Other mothers I know are tired all the time too. We do it because we love our families. We do it because we know it needs to be done. I just wish the men in our lives would appreciate us a little more.
I know some guys reading this are going to say "whoa, I do all that, I'm a big help". If you are, then you are certainly the minority. And good for you. Go help yourself to a cookie. I'm talking about me and my situation here and it ain't all sunshine and roses.
One step I have taken in what I think is the right direction is that instead of asking if I can go do things, I am telling Tim I'm doing things. And this weekend, I'm going for a mani/pedi/massage on Saturday afternoon. Hopefully I'll get to relax a little and won't be such a raging b*tch when I come home. Happy wife, happy life, yes?
So next time you feel like you want to tell someone they look tired, please don't. Chances are they know, and chances are they will hear "you look like crap" and nobody wants to hear that. And before you tell me to make Tim start doing things because you're so perfect and you have such a perfect life, know that it's easier said than done, know that I'm trying but it's 2 steps forward, 1 step back. He does a lot of things right, but when it comes to raising this child of ours, many days I feel like I'm in it alone.
Am I complaining? Yes, today I am. Because I'm tired.
So true! We gotta take care of ourselves and expect the men to step up. Easier said then done for me too! Hugs. I hate it when people tell me I look tired too.
ReplyDeleteI see my friends go through this, and I get frustrated (on their behalf) at the imbalance of home life. Really, their guys are *that* useless? Yes.
ReplyDeleteI'm already mad at my future non-existent husband.
I'm tired, too and my kids are a bit older now (4 & 7) and my husaband is awesome and does lots of things around here. My doctor keeps telling me I'm tired because all moms are and kids are busy, but in my case I think it is more than that. It does get better as the kids get older, once they are 3ish, more independent... this morning our kids came down at 7 and watched TV/played Wii on their own and we slept until 9 - sweet! That time will come, so hang in there. I think you are taking a good step in getting out to do things for yourself. Include in that time some evening walks, right around bedtime with a girlfriend. You get out to clear your head and come home to a sleeping child, nice!
ReplyDeleteIf a Man Wants You
ReplyDeleteBy: Salma Rumman
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t "be friends." A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
All men are not dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
Dating is fun; even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him—he takes it for granted.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies. You’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an entire lifetime to forget them.