Many months ago, my cousin Katie was in the hospital after a horrible car accident. I visited her often and got to know a few of my Auntie Shannon's relatives and friends as they also came to visit. As I was talking about my issues one day, her friend Jill said to me "just let it go".
Of course, at the time, I was slightly put off - who was she to tell me what to do and how to act or react? But you know what? She was right.
I have a friend who is using a phrase or a word to get her through a year. Alicia, I'm stealing your idea and taking the phrase "let it go". Every time I get angry or upset I'm just going to let it go.
I have realized I can't change T - he is who he is. His relationship with our son is going to be what it is, I can't manipulate it, I can't control it and I just need to let it go already.
It's not healthy for me to be angry all the time because T. isn't who I want him to be. I have to try and see the positive, because my bad attitude will eventually effect the relationship that Vaughn has with him, and that's not right. So he's not as thoughtful around holidays as I would like him to be - that's my thing, not his. Holidays and birthdays don't mean as much to Tim as me, so I just need to let it go.
I'm doing okay financially. Whether Vaughn gets his child support or not, he has a good life, he's well fed and well dressed, I take my responsibility seriously and am working my ass off so we can have a good life. When it comes to financial obligations with T., he's paid me what he owes me but it's been on his schedule, not mine. I'm letting it go, it's not worth fretting over.
At work, there's only so much I can do in a day. Not everyone sees things the way I do and that's okay. Not everyone works the same way I do and that's also okay. See? Letting it go.
I don't want to let the negativity get me down - I always tell my son that cheerful people have better lives and I need to start being that way for myself as well. So, today, January 14, 2013 - I'm letting it go.
Wish me luck.