Saturday, November 26, 2011


Well all 2 of you that might read this - chances are you already know what has happened in my life since July, but I guess I might as well make it real and put it in writing...

In late July, I came home from a week's vacation with Vaughn in Montana to find out that Tim had been unfaithful.  He swears it was only one time, but if he lied to me about what happened, why wouldn't he lie about whether it was more than once?  I can put up with a lot of things, but if I can't trust him, I can't be with him.

So August 1, my life changed forever when Tim moved all of his things out.  Our split was suprisingly amicable, and we still remain good friends.  We have to, we have a really special little boy that we are both parents to, and Vaughn doesn't deserve us fighting.  What's done is done, Tim is sorry and I know that.  

It was really difficult at first, I cried a lot, I still cry.  I never thought in a million years that Tim would cheat on me. I thought I was a good wife, a good mother and a good friend.  He continually tries to tell me it was because he was drunk, but I don't believe that.  Too many things have to happen before you end up in bed with someone else, and I think he wanted to do it and didn't think he would get caught.  Surprise, you're caught.  And now there's consequences.  I think for the first time in his life, he's realized that when he screws up, he'll have to pay for it.  

I decided to still go through with the condo purchase - I qualifed on my own so why shouldn't I?  Why should my whole life stop because the man I loved stepped out on me?  My son deserves a good life and I want to be the one to give it to him.

I had a family reunion a week after Tim left - it was really embarrassing and emotional.  I found a lot of comfort talking to my cuzzies and my Auntie Donna - family really is awesome and I'm so glad they were there to listen and help.  It was so good to meet some of my family from Australia and New Zealand as well - some of them I haven't seen for a long time and met some for the first time as well.  That weekend rocked the party!

In September I decided I wanted a new vehicle.  I was trying to find one that suited me and saw this little car buzzing around and loved it.  It was a Nissan Juke.  I did my research on line and decided that was the car for me.  Two days later I was going on a test drive and two days after that, I was picking up my brand new car.  Happy birthday to me!

October was great - I spent almost a week in Seattle and Portland and it was so nice to spend time with David and Gonzalo.  Gosh I miss those two - they are so easy, so fun and I've never had somebody who knows absolutely everything about me and still loves me like David does.  Friends like David are hard to come by and most valuable.

I have other amazing friends too - I don't think I could have gotten through this whole thing without my friends.  I was a little disappointed in my family - nobody really seemed to understand that my life was falling apart and I was having trouble keeping it together.  Of course, after I put something on facebook that it was just me and Vaughn, people sure wanted to know what was going on but nobody called me to check on me or see how I was coping.  That hurt.

I have friends though that dropped everything to come and hang out with me, listened as I cried and kept me busy so I didn't dwell on all the negativity.  I've always said friends are the family you choose and boy, I chose some good family. 

Tim through all of this though has been a tremendous daddy to his son.  I think it hit him hard and he realized he took our life for granted.  He spends time with Vaughn at every opportunity, shows up even when he's not "supposed" to and is all too happy to come and stay with him if I need to go on a work trip.  He's involved, interested and really made himself an important person in Vaughn's life. 

I don't know what the future holds for me and Tim, but my true friends are the ones who have told me they will support me no matter what.  And that's the message I'm getting.  Of course, it will be hard for people to forgive him, as none of my friends (except Leah) have seen Tim since all of this went down - he's so embarrassed about what happened and just not sure how people will treat him.  He knows he doesn't deserve forgiveness but if he really truly does change and that is what is in the cards for us, then I hope my friends can get past it and move on with us.

Which brings me to yesterday.  When Jen, Jason and I were out partying in Vegas a few weeks back, Jen and I decided we were going to get tattoos.  Alas, we were unable to but the idea didn't leave me.  I haven't had a tattoo in a long time and so much has happened I wanted to do something to remember it by.  I also knew that I was extremely proud of myself for a lot of things - 6 years ago I had creditors calling me constantly and I was avoiding their phone calls at work, it was so stressful.  I have worked really hard to get myself out of that black hole and never thought I would drive a new car again, let alone be a home owner.  I did all by myself - I worked really hard to earn commissions to help me pay down my debt.  I could have told Tim he had just "one more chance" because I knew just how hard it is to be a single parent.  How many "one more chances" can you give someone? I will not be treated like that and will not be taken advantage of. And there's more too, but only those closest to me know anything and ever will know the whole story.

Suffice it to say, at the end of it all, I am proud of myself.  I have screwed up beyond belief, but I'm still here, and I am doing it.  So my tattoo had to speak for my pride and what is more proud than a peacock?  I was going to get a whole peacock done, but then Jen wrote me an e-mail saying something about my feather earrings that I have and it was then I decided on a single peacock feather.

So my tattoo is a beautiful, colourful, and artsy peacock feather.  It is there to remind me to be proud of myself, despite my shortcomings.

Quite pretty isn't it?  Paul at The Arthouse did a great job, despite missing our consultation on Wednesday and starting it late on Friday night.  He is a perfectionist, a great listener and a true artist.  I'm looking forward to seeing him again in a few months when I get my paisley yin-yang tattoo to cover my tattoo on my right arm.

Tonight I am going to help celebrate Jason's 30th birthday.  I think there will be tequila, but I'm not sure...