Saturday, April 23, 2011


2 years have gone by since Vaughn came into our lives.  We didn't want to find out what we were having so he was a totally wonderful surprise.  I was so happy, so proud.  What an incredible amount of pain, hard work and strength it took to get him here with us. 

I was so excited to share our news with the other couples from our baby group and e-mailed them all within minutes of getting home with Vaughn.  It was about a day later that I received a message from one of the other gals to call her because she had some news that she would rather not send by e-mail.

The first thing I thought was there was a birth defect of some sort - what could have gone wrong - she was young, healthy, and one of the most beautiful women I have ever met.  I never expected for her to tell me that she and her boyfriend were home but they didn't get to bring their baby boy home with them.  He would never come home with them because he didn't make it.

At the time, they weren't entirely sure what happened, just that the blood supply to the baby had been cut off when she went into labour.  Since then, it was determined that she had a condition called Vasa Previa that had gone completely undetected.

We were both in the same hospital at the same time only I got my baby and she didn't.  I can't even begin to tell you how screwed up that is.  Imagine going in to the hospital knowing your life is going to be forever changed only to have to everything turned upside down and your first job as a parent is to arrange your baby's funeral.

It is f*cked up.

2 years have gone by and my heart still aches for J & J.  Vaughn should have a best friend named Spencer.  They would have been rough and tumble wrestling buddies, muddy little boys. 

I think often of Spencer, his parents and their love.  Their love.  What an amazing young couple.  If you didn't know them, you would think they have it all.  Spencer will always be missing for them and it hurts my heart. 

So on Sunday, when everybody is eating chocolate, finding eggs or talking about a guy who came out of a cave 2000 years ago, I'll be thinking of my beautiful friends and their gorgeous dark-haired baby boy who never got to come home.

Spencer, you are remembered and you are so loved.