Reunited and It Feels So...Good?

Next weekend is my high school reunion. 20 years have gone by since I've seen a good lot of people that are going to this thing. 20 years. All of the insecurities I had as a teenager are starting to rear their ugly heads again. Let me tell you a little bit about my high school days...

I grew up in a very small town in rural Saskatchewan - Shaunavon to be exact. Population - just over 1500 people. High school population - 142 students from Grade 8 to Grade 12. If you were even a little bit different, you REALLY stuck out. Of course, we had the usual cliques, but they only had 10 people each, so the cliques were cliquey.

I was quite involved in my school, athletically and otherwise. I played almost all the sports we had - I wasn't a superstar, but I was a hard trier. I was in the school plays, worked on the yearbook and tried my hand at peer counselling. We went skiing almost every weekend out at Fernie and in the summers I was a lifeguard and swimming instructor. I babysat all the time, worked a lot of different part time jobs and tried to stay busy. Not a lot of time for friends in there - I guess I valued earning money to buy clothes over developing friendships. Or did I work because I didn't really have a lot of friends? Hard to say.

As someone who never had a best friend growing up, I can say it was a little hard to live in Shaunavon. Sure, I had friends, everyone for the most part was pretty nice to me, but I didn't have that one person that I could say had my back or that I could turn to when times were tough. I think that's why to this day I have a hard time opening up to people.

What brought these feelings on is the slide show I agreed to do for the reunion. I'm getting pictures e-mailed to me from everyone so we can take a walk down memory lane and also get to know each other a little better at this stage in our lives. I realize now just how much I missed out on. Gosh did everyone have a fun time. I wish I could have been there to experience some of those moments.

Not that I totally regret my life - I have a tremendous work ethic now. Playing all the sports I did helps me work on teams. I like to think I've been a good coach, teacher and mentor and hopefully that will help to shape me into a successful mother.

I remember one particular incident that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. There is one girl that I was pretty close with - Kim. We would walk to school together, play after school and hang out. For some reason, and I don't remember what it was, I didn't invite her to my birthday party one year. Her birthday was just shortly after mine and rightly so, I didn't get an invitation to her party. It was after school and I was waiting for my mom (who is a teacher at the school I went to) in her classroom. With tears pouring down my face, I watched almost everyone in my class walk across the school yard on their way to Kim's house to celebrate her birthday. Without me. My mom said something to me that day that didn't really resonate until later on in life. She said "I know it hurts now. But when you go away and grow up, you'll find friends that will be yours for the rest of your life".

You know what mom? You were right. The friends that I have now are incredible. I don't see them as much as I would like, but I know without a doubt that they are they for me, that they love me for who I am and want me to be happy.

And I have no reason to be insecure - I'm good at what I do, I wake up in a good mood (almost) every morning and I've aged well. Sure, I've put on a lot of weight, I started my family late and I don't own my home, but I'm alive and it's my life. I'm not proud of everything I've done, I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, but I'm in a good place now. Gosh, would life ever be boring if it were perfect. Wanna know something else? I'm looking forward to seeing everybody and catching up with them, insecurities aside. They're all hard-working people just like me. They've all had struggles, just like me. Nobody, not a one of them, is perfect.

See you in just over a week, SHS Class of 1990!

P.S. Thanks to facebook, I've been able to connect with a lot of my old classmates. While I don't exactly pick up the phone and call them, I do feel closer to them, have sent Christmas cards to one or two, and gotten some excellent advice on mothering from a few of the gals along the way. Lastly, I'd like to add that Kim is a lovely woman and I'm really glad to have found her again.

Who Are The People In Your Neighbourhood?

Anyone who knows me knows that I love love love to watch people.  I think most people are curious about the other beings we share this world with, but I go past just seeing people - I wonder what makes them tick, what their lives are like.  The longer I live in my place, the more I seem to notice my neighbours - especially now that it's summer and everyone is outside more.

There's a lady that lives at the end of my row of townhouses that gardens endlessly in the summer.  I've never really spoken with her, but she always seems to have visitors sitting with her in the front yard.  She literally spends her entire day outside as long as the weather is good.  What peace she must have in her life.

A few doors down, there is a really full house.  Our units are all 2 bedrooms, and there is a single mom with her three kids and she has a roommate with a dog.  That house must be crazy inside - which is why I think one of the little girls is always playing outside.  She is fearless -  running here there and everywhere- little Miss Independent.  Peace and quiet must be very rare in that place.

Come down a couple more doors and we have my cousin and his wife, our neighbours.  We don't really see much of them - I guess we're not high on their list of people to visit with.  I suppose that's alright - you don't really want family all up in your business all the time anyway, but it's nice to know they're there if I really need them, and I know they would be.

You know who I feel really sorry for is the kid that lives just outside our front door (well, in the unit directly in front of us).  He is homeschooled and I think quite lonely.  He is always by himself, and even if I see him with other kids, he's off to the side doing his own thing.  He doesn't seem to be very well socialized and some of his behaviours are odd.  He will sit outside our front door and bark, trying to get the dogs to react to him.  Poor kid.

We have the unofficial Neighbourhood Watch guy who goes around peering in the yards, making sure nothing untowards is happening.  I hope he just sticks to the yards and isn't a peeping Tom, that would be creepy. 

There's the old couple who look so sweet  - they are always sitting out on their front step in their lawn chairs watching the world go by.  The wife can't walk very far, so every time they go somewhere, the husband has to bring the car over and he escorts her.  There is so much love in that action, and I can only hope that if I am fortunate enough to live that long I feel that kind of love every day.

And then there's our neighbours we enjoy the most - Steve, Leah, Jarrett and Madison.  We are so lucky we met Leah - she has a dayhome.  She was gracious enough to watch Vaughn for me a few times before I went back to work.  When I was looking for somewhere full time for Vaughn, it was not going well at all.  I asked Leah if she would take Vaughn and at first, she was hesitant because he was so young and not walking.

Thankfully, she agreed to take him 3 days a week and we're so happy.  It's so great to walk out the front door, 2 doors down and drop Vaughn off.   When I pick him up at the end of the day, he's always in a great mood and some days it seems as though he doesn't want to leave.  I never worry about him and know that he is in great hands!  And the more I get to know her, the more I like her.

So those are the people in my neighbourhood... I wonder if they wonder about us like I wonder about them.

Life's A Beach

This past weekend was my company's Annual camping trip to Ol' Macdonald's Resort at Buffalo Lake. People from all of the offices in Alberta are invited to come along and hang out. We didn't go last year because Vaughn was too little but this year, I really wanted to go. We had the option of staying in a trailer, tent, cabin, motel room or day tripping it.

Since we don't have a trailer, Tim doesn't like tents and it's too far to go on a day trip with a toddler, it was cabin or motel. When we first booked, the motel rooms were all spoken for which left us with booking a cabin. The cabins are not what you think - they are basically places to sleep and nothing more - there are no showers, running water or linens provided. Okay, whatever, it's better than a tent so we'll make do. I booked us a two bedroom cabin so Vaughn could have his own room and I could have a place to go if Tim and I couldn't exist all night in a double bed together.

 

Two weeks ago, a motel room came up and it was about $15 more a night than the cabin, however, it had a full bathroom, hot water and a fridge/stove combo. Sold!

On Friday, we set out mid-afternoon and arrived at the lake about 5:30. We drove past the "motel" because we were looking for a large building. Turns out the motel was basically a double-wide Atco trailer split into 4 rooms. However, the rooms were clean, they had a shower and a terlet so I wasn't going to complain. Plus, the motel was right next to our group site, so we could leave Vaughn in the room to go to sleep and not worry about him - we were right there. Had we stayed in the cabin, we would not have been able to do that - one of us would have had to stay behind or we would have to put Vaughn to sleep in someone's trailer and then wake him up to transport him back.

The whole weekend, all of the cooking was done by Cole employees - Ken, Dave, and Terry did most of it and had lots of help from other people. The food was amazing and completely exceeded my expectations. On Saturday night, we had prime rib roast, baked potatoes, garlic bread, beans and 3 different kinds of salads. For breakfast we had eggs, blueberry pancakes, sausage, bacon, toast, potatoes. Hello deliciousness, no ash-covered hot dogs on this trip! We did have the obligatory campfire treat (s'mores) and then a little something extra called banana boats. If you haven't had one, you should - they're so yummy!

So Saturday afternoon, we headed down to the beach for a little while - it was super hot and Vaughn wasn't too sure about walking in the sand. He just stood there for about 3 minutes staring at us. Once we got settled with blanket and daddy was suntanning, I took him for a little walk on the beach and he really started to have fun squishing the dirt in his hands and splashing the lake water with his hands. We didn't stay long because it was pretty hot and we were so very tired and all needed naps.

Tim entered in the horseshoe tournament and he and his partner Pat were eliminated after 2 games. We entered the crib tournament later that night and ended up winning first place! Our last 2 games were total nail-biters and very close. What made it a pretty sweet win was that Tim hasn't really played a lot of crib but with some coaching on my part came through and we ended up champs for the night. I would, however, like to thank Pat's husband Ron for being so honest - we may not have won had he not brought up a few missed points here and there.

I so enjoyed getting to hang out with people I mostly only deal with by phone and e-mail. It's so nice to get to know people outside of work and find out what they're really like. I work with a really great group of people - people who like to have fun, are family-oriented and so helpful. I was a little tired Sunday morning and Cherryl from my office walked Vaughn for almost an hour to try and get him to go to sleep for me. I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciated that. And then all the older kids were entertaining Vaughn - of course he just ate it up loved all the attention given to him. He is not shy AT all (wonder where he gets that from???).

Tim even had a great time - we're already planning for next year and how we can "glamp it up". With so much going on in our lives, I'm glad we could take a little time to chill out, relax and have fun. Thanks to my company for sponsoring our meals for the weekend, the tremendous people I work with and my family for making my life so enjoyable.

 

Dogfight

It's no secret I'm a big girl. I embrace my bigness and most times, it doesn't get in my way. I've surrounded myself with people who love me for who I am and that's how it should be. This weekend, something happened that was both horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

It was my friend Jen's stagette and we had a fun-filled and action-packed evening planned. We met up at Seven downtown, had some nibblies, a few drinks and then took a limo ride to Edworthy Park for photos. After that, we went to Aussie Rules for duelling piano fun. Jen had a long list of tasks that she had to perform, so we were on the lookout for anyone that might be able to help us complete them.

Rachelle and I went on the hunt for a man with a mustache, and boy did we find a good one - he was a biker dude with a big fumanchu and he was awesome. He was more than willing to come and get a kiss on the cheek from a beautiful girl. We were having so much fun, dancing, clapping, singing along and then a guy came and grabbed me and told me that his friends wanted to meet me. Before I knew it, I was at the end of the bar and I heard one of the guy's friends say to him "dude, you totally win". At which point, it became obvious to me that I was in a real life dogfight. If you haven't seen the movie, click here for a brief synopsis.

I just walked away back to our table in complete shame. I knew some people could be cruel, but really? That takes the cake for me. How dare they drag me away from my good time to humiliate me like that? It took everything I had in me to not run out of the room in tears. I wasn't going to let them get me. I know I'm pretty, I'm a good person and if people can't take the time to get to know me for me, then screw 'em.

Here's where the good steps in. Jen's bridesmaid Rachelle was sitting beside me when I got back to the table and told her what happened. She instantly stood up and asked where they were, saying that it wasn't right. I told her don't worry about it, but she wouldn't let it drop. This little tiny girl was so brave and went back to the group of guys, told them off and then made the guy who grabbed me come over and apologize. I told him that him and his friends were a**holes (which felt good I must say) and then he offered me a drink as a peace offering. Nope, not good enough. I told him that he should buy our whole table (14 of us) a drink. Gladiators all around, and since a few people had cut themselves off, I enjoyed a couple or three.

Is that punishment enough? Probably not, but I love the fact that he had to pony up and buy a whole lot of drinks for what he thought was a good joke. F you I say.

Then, we were getting ready to leave and I had requested Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Roxanne (another one of Jen's bridesmaids) knew one of the piano players from her childhood so she went up and called in a favour. Next thing I know, we're all up on the stage, I'm leading the Time Warp and we're back in Happy Land.

As we were waiting for the 2nd limo to come and take us downtown, the girls brought the "ring leader" of the dogfight out to apologize to me. I once again got to tell him that he and his minions were a**holes and it was pretty pathetic for a man of his age to go along with something like that. Things started to get a little heated and Roxanne pushed him back into the bar and we got on with our night.

Off to The Roadhouse where we had some fun with the backdoor bouncers, danced a little and finally blew the Hottie Whistle.

If I learned anything that night, I learned that there are still mean people out there. I've always been so trusting and friendly and I have never in my life been so hurt by a stranger. Who does that? But you know what else I learned? I learned that there are amazing people who will stand up for people they hardly know because it's what's right. So there, a**holes - you didn't get the best of me. My loving boyfriend, my baby and my family and friends get the best of me. You just got me for one weak moment. The joke is on you.

Do You Have A Receipt For That?

I've worked retail on an off for just about all of my adult life.  When I first started, it was full time and in management, but I've also had some part time jobs along the way.  Mostly, they were to get the staff discount to supplement my wardrobe, but I've also really loved helping people find things that make them happy.

Being a parent now, I've purchased a whole lot of baby things, and for the most part, everything has worked out just fine and no problems.  However, as of late, I've had a few times where things didn't work out and I've had nothing but problems trying to get them replaced.

The first one was with Toys R Us.  In the past year, I have spent a whole lotta money there.  In January, I purchased 2 baby gates that have retractable screens instead of doors.  They were up and worked great - for about a month or so.  Then we noticed that the locking mechanism on the one wasn't working very well and the other one was just plain busted.

In late March we took them down and tried to exchange them for new gates.  We did not have our receipt and therefore they would not do anything - they couldn't prove how long we had the gates in our possession.  I pointed over to my son and said - he's only 11 months old, how long do you think we've had them?  All we wanted was to exchange them for 2 new gates, but of a different brand, one that we deemed to be safer.

The clerk wouldn't do anything because we didn't have our receipts, but the manager was able to find my purchases on their computer because I had paid by debit.  After all that, she still would not exchange the gates because they were past the 45 day limit.  It was a safety issue, I was not trying to return the gates, I simply wanted to exchange them for a safer brand.  I know they can return the gates back to the manufacturer and get their money back or a credit, so what was their problem?

Then today, I tried to exchange a long sleeved baby bib that I bought at Bo Bebe that ripped in the wash.  I paid $15.99 for it, and once again, all I wanted was to exchange it for another one exactly the same that was sewn properly.  I didn't have my receipt and my transaction stopped there.  I knew exactly where they were in the store, how much I had paid for it and who the clerk was who helped me, and the gal that worked there told me point blank she wouldn't do anything, that those bibs are sold in a lot of places, how did she know that I bought mine there?

Well let me tell you lady, if I'm out to rip a store off, it's not going to be for a bib and not for $15.99.  I know it's a small business, I get that, but if you're not going to stand behind your product, why should I support you?  I know retailers have recourse with their vendors - and it's not like I wanted my money back - I just wanted a new one. 

And it all comes down to one little piece of paper - the receipt.  I guess I'm to keep every receipt for every little thing I buy JUST in case it falls apart on me, and maybe the store will take the product back, maybe not.  I get that return policies are there for a reason (I've had to enforce them, and trust me, it's not always fun), but when the product is defective, I've always taken the product back or exchanged it for something of equal or lesser value.  And guess what?  I've never gotten in trouble for it.  It's called customer service.

Stores like Walmart and Costco take anything back in any condition, because they know that they can just deduct the price off their next invoice from that vendor.  I hate that way of doing business - it just seems so bullyish.  But it also explains why people shop there - they know if they have a problem, they can just take it back no questions asked.

I try to support my local small business where I can - I've bought a lot of things for Vaughn and other babies at Bo Bebe because I thought they sold quality product and stood behind it.  (As a side note, I did purchase a car bottle warmer there that crapped out after a week and the employee at the Shawnessy store gave me a new one without needing a receipt)  I'm going to call the owner or a senior manager tomorrow and see what they have to say - it's not about the money anymore, it's about the principle. 

It's very competitive out there, and retailers are trying to find ways to get new customers and encourage loyalty.  Hey, guess what?  Fix a problem when something goes wrong and chances are you have a customer for life.  And they'll tell people about their wonderful experience which might bring more people through your door.

After all that, I don't have much more to say except - keep your receipts people. 

Bye Bye Boobie

Disclaimer: If talk of  breastfeeding bothers you, please stop reading this post now.

Throughout my pregnancy, I always knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby.  All the research I did showed that it was best for the baby and a great way for mother and child to bond.  I even went so far as to have custom-made breastfeeding tops made for me, as they are nearly impossible to find in plus sizes.  The people from work bought me a nice cover so when I was out in public, I could feed in peace.

Our prenatal class put a lot of emphasis on breastfeeding - how to do it, the benefits, etc.  I was convinced that my ample bosom was going to be a wonderful milk buffet for my new bundle of bundles.  Boy was I wrong.

When Vaughn was born, they had to use a vacuum on his head to help suction him out.  He was having some heart rate issues and to err on the side of caution, they did what they had to do to make sure he arrived in this world safely.  Unfortunately, one of the side effects of the vacuum can be headaches and a little damage to the baby's jaw which can ultimately lead to problems latching on to breastfeed.

We tried so hard at the hospital - they wake you up every 3 hours to try and feed and then if it doesn't work you have to undress your baby, give them a bottle of formula, redress them and then go back to sleep for another 3 hours to do it all over again.  Vaughn could never latch, the lactation consultants were too busy and too grabby and I was too tired.

My nurse suggested I try using a breast pump to at least help my milk come in.  So, now I had an extra step to try - 5 minutes on each side to breast feed, then undress Vaughn, feed him his formula, redress and then 5 minutes a side for the breast pump.  I celebrated the first time the tiniest drop of colostrum came out - there was hope.

We left the hospital still unable to feed, but on the way home I decided I would rent a breast pump just in case.  The cost to rent one for one month was just slightly under the cost to buy one, so I ponied up the $350 and bought one. 

The public health nurse that came to our house the day after was also a lactation consultant.  She spent an awful lot of time with me to try and get Vaughn positioned correctly, but we just never were able to connect the way we needed to.  I was so frustrated - I had such high hopes and didn't realize how much work it is for both momma and babe.

So, I was still trying to feed on both sides, supplementing with formula and pumping.  A nipple shield was added to the regimen, as it apparently helps transition the baby from bottle back to the nipple.  Then my milk came in.  Holy crap did it come in. I kept up with doing all of the above for about 2 weeks, after which time I decided that if Vaughn would take a bottle and I could pump my milk out then maybe the whole breastfeeding thing would work for us, just a little different from the norm.

Every time he had a bottle, I would pump.  That way, my body would respond to his needs accordingly.  I ended up producing a lot more than he could drink, so my freezer was starting to fill up with little bags of milk.  I started to slow down the number of times per day I would pump and found a nice middle ground.  Supply was pretty much perfect for the demand.  

The  major downside to this way of doing things was that I would have to have a heat source handy because cold breast milk and a hungry baby don't go well together.  Outings had to be timed appropriately and there were a lot of trips through Starbucks' drive thrus to get that cup of hot water to heat up the bottle.  We got pretty good at it, and over time, Vaughn has managed to be patient most of the time and can wait a little longer to be fed.

The upside?  Well, anyone could feed my baby.  As it turns out, I have done about 99% of the feeding, but it was nice to know that someone else could feed him and on the odd occasion, they did.  As long as he was getting my milk, it just didn't matter.

But now, here we are, 10 1/2 months later and I'm going back to work in just over a week.  So I've made a decision to stop pumping.  I've got about 10 bottles worth of milk in the freezer and once that is gone, I'll just start Vaughn on whole milk and maybe use up the rest of the formula that we bought for emergencies. 

Gosh, it's been so much extra work doing this, so why am I having second thoughts?  I know that Vaughn is certainly old enough, lots of babies don't even get their mother's breast milk and are okay and I will enjoy not wearing an H or I cup anymore.  And I want to say this - I'm proud that I have done what I have for as long as I have - it meant a lot to me and I found a way to do what I set out to do.

My little baby is turning into a little boy.  I just have to take a deep breath and enjoy the next stage of our lives - toddlerhood.  So, bye bye boobies, hello rocks in socks.  Vaughn, consider yourself weaned.

12 Days

I have 12 days until I return to work.  12 days.  I have so much to do to get ready, but all I want to do is hold my little boy.  I have to:

1) Get a haircut

2) Kiss my baby

3) Get some new clothes

4) Hug my baby

5) Get up early every day and have Vaughn dressed and ready by 7:00 - even if he goes back to bed, that's okay, I need to get into a routine.

6) Tell my baby how much I love him - I don't want him to forget that.

7) Fill out the mountain of paperwork for my dayhome

8) Take Vaughn on the field trips I've been putting off "until next week"

9) Try to see all my friends and family that I don't get to see very often and will probably see less when I go back to work.

10) Sell all the baby things Vaughn doesn't use anymore to get rid of the clutter that is building up in the basement.

11) Have at least one adult conversation a day so I don't return to the office and say "be-doops and fe-doops" and ask people to clap their hands for me.

12) Remind myself that I'm not a horrible person for abandoning my child.  He's going to be taken care of by a very wonderful delightful woman.  I will always be his mommy no matter what.  Lots of women go back to work and their kids turn out just fine.  It's making the best of the time we have together that counts.

I can do this.